I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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