Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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