i just google imaged poop.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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