I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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