I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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