Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
