Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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