omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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