Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Vodka?
Forever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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