Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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