omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
