Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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