Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The best revenge is premature balding
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize