Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My ass is underappreciated
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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