PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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