apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
