After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
