Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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