when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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