Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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