Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
