I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
