I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize