Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
