i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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