he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
