dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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