Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
