I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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