just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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