If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
