So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
