Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
