I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
