I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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