you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You're like the curious george of whores
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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