Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Randomize
