saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize