I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
