I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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