i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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