when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
