I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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