Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
