we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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