i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
