Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
