im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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