i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
