You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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