You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize
