drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
