I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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