I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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