My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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