hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
