i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
