You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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