He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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