69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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