Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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