We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She told me I should be a condom model.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
