so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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