if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
