I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
