If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
