I heard we made out
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize