Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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